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azchemguy
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Country: United States
State: Arizona
Gender: Male
Expertise: Organic Chemistry and Education. I never take food and sleep for granted. I will get lung cancer at the age of 55, leaving my multimillion-dollar inheritance to my cat Pixie who will start a Fortune 500 company called Finke Enterprises dedicated to restoring me and giving me super powers like flight and X-ray vision and stuff. But first, school. Oh, and I like boys. A lot.
Occupation: Student
Industry: Education/Research
Message: message me
AIM:  phenolphanatic
Member Since:
9/30/2003
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| I think the name is self-explanatory: simply chronicling my time at Georgia Tech this summer. For those not in the know, I am doing an REU (Research Experience for Undergraduates) program based on photonics and OLED's. I am working with Seth Marder and synthesizing various compounds that can be used on surfaces in OLED's.
But really, this is more of a personal journal than anything. You can skep the technical stuff if need be.
I've been here for a little over a week now- settling in has been smooth, all things considered. And, as usual, I have nothing fun to talk about. But when I do, it shall be put on here. | | |
| I swear this xanga has more purpose than posting random song lyrics (i mean, god, how azn can you get?) but I would suggest reading these carefully. There will be a quiz at the end.
"everything i do is judged
and they mostly get it wrong
but oh well
'cuz the bathroom mirror has not budged
and the woman who lives there can tell
the truth from the stuff that they say
and she looks me in the eye
and says would you prefer the easy way
no, well o.k. then
don't cry."
- "Joyful Girl" by Ani DiFranco
We're going to let go the fact that Ani sings about two things: the evils of corporate music and how she feels about men who suck major ass. (conclusion: she doesn't like either, but men do have penises and ani seems to dig that about them. can't say i blame her.) We're going to focus instead on why those lyrics mean so much to me right now, really late, at this god-forsaken hour. Since I feel like I'm judged by those who control my future (my peers, my professors, my TA's... etc.) I always worry about the person I am to them while forgetting completely about who I am, who I want to be, what I need to do to be happy. So... time to back off from their opinions, cause they don't matter.
Same goes for gay men. God, I ran into this guy i had a crush on a while ago, while I was a seething wreck of a human being six months ago, and it was awkward. It made me wonder why I bother with guys at all. The ones worth knowing aren't dating material anyway- this has undoubtedly been proven by the fact that my favorite gay men (ie. the ones I don't despise) are friends and nothing more than that, nor will they ever be. Maybe if I got out more I'd meet guys worth knowing, both in the Platonic and Biblical sense. But that's a pretty big if- I mean, going to a club or going to a chatroom aren't my cup of tea. I'm awkward socially and toward people I don't know, unless there are others I know around- then I'm Finke and people seem to like that. But if I go, I dive head-first into a world I've never been in, alone, and little good can come of that, I think. Maybe if I had started earlier, when I had looser morals. But gay men are the most judgemental and shallow people on earth- they're like any other guy, but they don't have to disguise the fact that sexual attraction is based primarily (by which I mean "only") on looks, like straight men have to to woo women or whatever the fuck they do (does anyone woo women anymore? I mean, after the invention of the vibrator, it seems pretty passé). So if that's all I have to choose from, well.
If I could convince myself that I didn't need a significant other, ever, to be happy, I would have done it already. But the bathroom mirror has not budged, the guy who lives there can tell the truth from the stuff I say. And he looks me in the eye, and asks would you prefer the easy way?
No, well, ok then.
Don't cry.
(I said there was gonna be a quiz, right? Well, just like everything else with me, there's no commitment on my part. So you're off the hook.) | | |
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